it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
