Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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