The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
