I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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