Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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