I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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