why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
