Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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