Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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