i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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