Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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