And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
nutella sex= disaster
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
