I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
