I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
