so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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