I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
