I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
