I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
