I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
