I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
