she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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