I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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