Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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