so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
