What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
