mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize