It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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