he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You've changed since you got that strap on
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
