So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
