nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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