he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
