with your own penis?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
