That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
