True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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