I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
