If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
