idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
