Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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