You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
