They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
