In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
