mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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