my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
