My room smells like vodka and shame
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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