what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
