Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
