Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
