I cut my penus on the lid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
