drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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