I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
