I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
