Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
