roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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