I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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