i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i love accidental penises.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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