Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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