A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
