awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
