That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
