Since when is my name a synonym for head?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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