Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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