We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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