my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
