Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
