Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
