he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
