walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
