is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
