I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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