after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
