do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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