I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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