Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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